The Unraveling of an Artist through His Music

This is a 3-part written series about Kim Junmyeon's album: "Self-Portrait" where I analyse the artist's journey of self-discovery which he showcases through the art he creates - combining poetry, instruments and his most powerful asset - his voice.

Part 1: The Inspiration & Concept

A musician, when creating their art, must focus on the primary aspect of forming relationships with their listeners; this tends to evoke reliability and emotion which eventually, intertwines the two parties on either side of the musical body of work. When we deeply think about the music we listen to, it is more often than not that we begin to form some resonance, an intangible bond even, with the artist. This bond could be fuelled by opinions of disagreement even - it is not a given that this relationship between the artist and listener must be a heart-to-heart.

When I listened to Kim Junmyeon's (more commonly known as Suho) album: "Self-Portrait" for the first time, I was already beginning to see the beauty held in this body of work; I was only touching the surface of the beauty but I saw it, nonetheless.

🌿 Self-Portrait is Junmyeon's first full-fledged album which took years to compile itself. It is not just a collective of songs, it is a journey of love, disentanglement and self-actualisation to embody the artist's past. It is a man's honest work to showcase the deepest, truest part of himself - his own Self-Portrait - through the use of metaphors depicting love and the aftermath of it. It is not necessarily romantic love, it is more of what the listeners interpret it to be - which happens to be yet another beautiful feature of this album - it is so personal yet forthcoming.

Junmyeon fell in love with Van Gogh's art during a visit to Switzerland, he said that prior to seeing his artworks in person, he could not understand the magnificence of his paintings. That was until he was within a touch's range from the real paintings themselves - he realised the importance of seeing them firsthand, to be able to truly comprehend the workings of an artist's mind as he brings his vision to life, on a canvas. Junmyeon found that in Van Gogh's self-portrait, he was able to 'feel' his emotions and he found it fascinating that a canvas of brush-strokes could convey to this magnitude.

In a self-portrait, one paints themselves how they see themselves; it is a process of self-discovery and immense thought. I found that Junmyeon, naming his album "Self-Portrait" is a step towards a very daunting but also, peaceful initiative to unravel himself whilst showing the world through his music what his findings have been. Junmyeon wanted to do the same as Van Gogh did with his self-portrait; he wanted to transcend emotions beyond the art he was creating - he wanted to break the intangible barrier which exist between an artist and those who consume his art.

The very title: "Self-Portrait", is one of the ways, at first glance, in which we can see how powerful this project is - it is a body of work which contains the deepest part of an artist's soul and rather than being brush on canvas, it's portrayed through words - beautiful lyrics - on paper. The poetic beauty of this album, I shall get to later but I would like to emphasise on the instrumentals and vocal ability of the artist and how much it contributes to make this album whole.

Part 2: The Lyrics & Story

"Self-Portrait" is a body of work which reflects the artist's purest emotions, throughout the last decade of his life. It exhibits a journey, a journey of a relationship - whether it is romantic or not, is left to the interpretation of the readers however, it is a relationship bounded by immense love and yearning. This kind of relationships vary in our lives; it can be shared with our lover or a parental figure, a sibling or even a friend - this, the openness of the album to various interpretations, is a large contributor to the versatility of this project.

The lifetime of a relationship between two souls; from the humble beginnings of yearning to acknowledgements and confessions of love and need to finally, disentanglement - splitting ways and the acceptance of the path the relationship has taken whilst also coming to terms with the fact that one's counterpart will forever, be a part of them thereafter.

The lyrics are written, for the most part, in Korean with a few major lines in English. I shall be looking at the translated versions of these songs and analyzing what these lyrics mean. After all, the very lyrics of a song are a colossal part of what its deepest essence is.

The first track: "O2" - yes, Oxygen - is a track full of words of longing and want for the other, just as oxygen plays such a vital part in our lives. It is a song to Junmyeon's loved one that what he feels is no more a matter of want, it is need:

"If you want me
Please hurry up and take me
So that my feet can touch the ground
In my empty inside
Breathe in your breath
So that I can float again
My endless blue"

The chorus of the track are metaphors which the artist uses to confess to his lover about how they enable him to both touch the ground and reach the skies - to express how he is in two worlds are once due to the love which he is receives.

"Due to the everlasting fluttering
I can’t even draw you
In my dream
You’re the color I’ll never know"

The final lines of the song are the artist connecting his love with art - the very basis upon which this album is placed. Again, Junmyeon uses art to reiterate the importance of the love he receives and essentially, how it is like nothing he has ever known before.

This song happens to show us the beginnings of a relationship - where the stages of infatuation have passed and the relationship has reached a mature phase of the confession of love.

The second track - "Let's Love" - arguably my favourite song on the album - is beautifully composed, written and executed. It is the first instance of chasing love, possibly after the lows of a relationship - a process of attempting to reattain a lost love.

Hey, where about are you?
Where are you?
Can we start again?

For me, this track is one which is an attempt of reconciliation, Junmyeon's attempt to regain his lover's presence in his life. About this song, he says "Everyone has been through at least some sort of pain, but we should still try to confess our love." Upon beginning to understand this song, I was plunged into the chorus and I was truly in awe of the beauty which it holds - the way the simplicity of it transcends to shape into words which are so enchanting.

A person knocking on my window
Before I know I follow you
Even if I can’t reach you
I want to catch you, you’re my wish
After following the scent of the flowers
I’m watching me hesitating
You’re so beautiful that I carefully
Knock on your heart, my love, my love

The third track - "Made In You" - a truly romantic ballad about the way in which him and his lover have become inextricably attached during the course of their relationship; how he, the artist, is now made up of not only his own soul, but also the soul of his lover.

I just need you
Because you know that without you
The me of now doesn’t exist

This song is the means through which the artist expresses his love by saying that without his love, he is none of what he has become.

I found that the album is split largely into two distinctive phases - loving and leaving. But it's important to note than once the two are separated, the love still exists. The first three songs happen to be during the span of the relationship, acknowledgements and letters through songs, of love for the other. However, the final three songs, although they are still narratives of love for the other, they are tied in with themes of separation and moving on.

In an interview, Jumyeon mentioned that he believes that every relationship has a 'shelf-life'; a time-frame for which it lasts and then, begins to disintegrate.

In the fourth song - "Starry Night" - the first signs of splitting paths are shown.

Comparing to longing
Is farewell easier?
I keep emptying and emptying my heart

...

Comparing to longing
Farewell passes by quickly

Starry Night holds a very large significance in the title itself - it is named after one of Van Gogh's (the inspiring force behind the very concept of the album) most recognised works. Throughout the song, Junmyeon compares instances of his relationship with forces of nature which I think is his way of saying that separation is a given - it is a natural phase, an inherent end which is imposed on every relationship.

You who’s unfolded
Get further away, get fainter,
Slowly disappear and fall apart
Even when I close my eyes
The you who’s a star breaking apart
Shines brighter and brighter when it’s darker

The song ends with these lines, acknowledgement that separation is overdue; that his lover is bound to leave someday but it is also a piece of writing in which Junmyeon continues to hold her in his heart (calling her a 'star'). I noticed that in the previous song, Junmyeon calls his lover the 'Sun', he continues to be affixed to his words despite the new phase they have encountered which shows a very large part of his own character quality.

The fifth song - "Self-Portrait" - a ballad which, in my opinion, is the most beautifully crafted in the entire album and truly excels in all of its components to manifest into a deserving title track. Self-Portrait is the very essence, the foundation upon the entire album - the words upon which it is built are words of honesty and realisation. It is the final straw of the separation stage which has overwhelmed Junmyeon's relationship, the final stages of intimacy but a reinforcement of a continued love after it.

I’m painting over with colours on my memory of you
That’s fading away
Just like my world was coloured with you
It has to be unfold brightly in front of my eyes
The sound of your breaths and your laughs
I draw you, draw everything
Into my life

This track is undoubtedly, one of the most heavy and loaded tracks of the entire album; it brings together all the themes which are explored throughout the course of the listening experience and are plunged into a single track. This song is a compilation of the experiences which last in a lifetime of a relationship - right from the humble beginnings of love to the end, the end which brings about the disentanglement of two souls who were drowning in the delusional belief that the relationship is bounded by no time or circumstance.

The final track - "For You Now" - a collaboration with vocalist: 'Younha' is a hauntingly beautiful end to the journey which this album has evoked in the listeners' hearts. It is a song of acceptance and letting go, a song of abandoning feelings but more importantly, communicating and confessing.

These lines end the album:

To you who’s deeply asleep tonight
I will tell you about my feelings
Thank you, it’s your turn now
I’ll return to you the feelings you gave to me
Forever, Forever

Lines which bring an end to not only a beautifully crafted musical album, but also, a mutual, sustained bond between two. Although it can be seen as a very sorrowful end, it can also be seen as a fresh beginning to a new phase of life.

Once again, this reiterates to what extent - a very large extent that is - that this album is open to interpretation. The lyrics are what you want it to be. The story is what you make of it.

Part 3: The Unraveling

I took the time to analyse lines of this album - although it is a translated work and simply cannot reflect the depth of the original lyrics, they can still surely bring them to perspective. The reason I did so is because I wanted to see for myself how much it was that I could discover of an artist - his personality, his character quality - through the words he sings and the way he sings it.

As I said in part 1 of this blog-post series, the entirety of this album is an embodiment of a journey, an exploration lifetime of a relationship in the artist's view, where he believes that relationships have their own lifetime embedded within our own life; they are not the same as ours rather, the time which they last for is simply a subset of the time for which we, ourselves, live for. This train of thought suggests that the occurrences of events in the artist's life has made him feel so - implying that his view of a survival of a relationship has been hampered most-likely due to his past. The power of lyrics are profound, they way in which I found I could uncover an entire persona with the words he writes - now that's truly powerful.

And again, unraveling the lyrics is one of the reasons I begun to fall in love with this album further deeply. Prior to pay attention to the lyrics, the sound itself was so beautiful, I couldn't help but be captivated to listen without knowing the meaning of words I was listening to. But what I did know of was that behind what the world would see as simply a gorgeous musical project, I could see an entire painting of a man which he drew himself: Kim Junmyeon's Self-Portrait.